Dog and Cat Diary

Posted by Michael K. | Filed under Just for Fun

From Vitamin Z’s blog. This affirms why I hate cats:

The Dog’s Diary
8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat’s Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now …

(HT: Jer)

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Permalink | Comments (3) | May 25, 2009

3 Responses to “Dog and Cat Diary”

  1. CarrieZ Says:
    May 25th, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    Love it. I’m not a cat person either, much to our youngest’s dismay. I did decoupage one on her wall, though. That counts as compromise, right?

  2. Michael K. Says:
    May 25th, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    I’ll let you know after I look up “decoupage…”

  3. chadjordan Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    I think there is a section missing from the cat’s diary. I think at some point he discussed when he finally got the key to the cage and had a”talk” with the little birds. I know this event happened because I read the eulogy a while back. Those cats are sneaky!

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